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It didn't work out? It's OK - hopefully she wasn't mean about the rejection because you're a sweet person and we're proud you put yourself out there! Being vulnerable about your feelings is an act of bravery, especially as a queer person (or even if you're someone who's just questioning) because the stakes are higher. If you're shyer? Here's a fool-proof tip, courtesy of writer Krista Burton: "Ask her about herself! If she's saying one word for every 10 of yours, she's probably not interested at the moment." Oh no! She's not into me :( If you're in the waiting scenario I described, make a move yourself!" What are some solid openers?Īpproach her like a person you want to be friends with! If you're the super confident type, you might just hand her your number and smile assertively after telling her she's cute and you'd like to get to know her better. This is why you, Questioning Teen Vogue Reader, are going to be proactive. Caveat: In my experience, like everyone else on the planet, girls are hesitant to show interest, and there's a lot of waiting around for the other person to make a move.
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My pal Lola Pellegrino (who was featured as one of NYC's most eligible bachelorettes, so you know she's fighting off the babes) has some solid advice on how to tell if a girl likes you: "If after a few encounters you find yourself reading into her texts and deconstructing your last hangout session for clues, she's probably not interested.
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I mean, wouldn't you love if the Cool Girl at School complimented you? You're the Cool Girl in this situation, so there's nothing to lose. Even if she isn't gay and doesn't return the flirtation (or if she is gay, but isn't into you), your compliment might still make her day.
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You can also totally just flirt with her and see if she flirts back! Girls have an advantage over guys in the flirting department because the power dynamics are different (and thus the creepiness factor is all but gone). If she stares right back at you until you blush, lean in a little closer and gauge her reaction. Swing your way into the same social settings as her and find a way to talk one-on-one. If those resources aren't available to you, fear not. Well, if you begin venturing into your school's queer community or go to events in your neighborhood, you might have that question answered without even having to ask. Let the feelings exist, and accept that you have them.
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So rather than categorizing yourself the second there's a Valentine in your heart, take a minute to breathe: Your feelings don't have to dictate your entire identity from now until forever. In fact, you don't ever have to label yourself. There are no rules: You don't have to label yourself gay or lesbian or queer or any other word simply over butterfly feelings. Your feelings for another girl don't mean the world is going to collapse around you though! Promise! As for whether this crush means you're gay.the truth of the matter is that nobody can answer that but yourself. Am I gay? What are these feelings I'm feeling?ĭo you want to stare at this girl for socially unacceptable amounts of time? Do you think she smells like good poetry? Have you memorized the order of her Facebook profile photos purely by accident? Yeah, you might like a girl. Consider me your queer big sister! I've even brought a few of my pals along for the ride, so let's get through this together. Let me clue you in to a top secret memo from Planet Queer: We all start off with absolutely no idea how to deal with our feelings, but this improves with a lot of mistakes and some intense pop music-scored angst sessions (for the record, Haim is really good for this) - and, you know, conversations with friends. Do you ever see a girl and can't figure out if you wanna be her or kiss her? Hello, this is my daily dilemma, and I'm here to talk it out with you! Bring real with yourself and thinking “I like a girl” can lead to a casual existential crisis, but it doesn't have to be too terrifying.